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Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Things about moving

I'm now counting down the days for my moving to Bandar Lampung, the city where I was born in and spent my first 17 years of life. When I was 17, I moved from Bandar Lampung to West Sumatra then after 7 years, I’ll come back to Bandar Lampung by the end of this week.

In my 24 years of life, I have moved from places to places four times; Bandar Lampung à Payakumbuh (West Sumatra) à Padang (West Sumatra) à Pekanbaru à Bandar Lampung. I consider my first moving (from Bandar Lampung to Payakumbuh-West Sumatra) the hardest one. Not only because it's my first experience but also because at that time I hadn't finished high school yet. Moving after high school graduation is much different from moving when you’re still in the second grade. After high school, you and most all your friends leave town  and spread to different cities and universities, almost all your friends experience starting the new life at the time. But in my case, I was the only one who left and all my friends still had time together. It hurts a bit knowing your friends are still having good time there, sharing laughter and doing all the retarded things together meanwhile you’re feeling out of place in the new area, alone. I used to call them all the time in order to stay intact with the gossips and news but making phone calls was still expensive at that time and I thought my calls would eventually bore them, I was afraid that they’d pity me. Then I knew I should start getting a new life and move on, because their lives still went on, without me. Reality bites, deal with it!

Things will feel worse when you move to an area which is not better than your previous location. This is the first time I witness the development gap of my country, Indonesia. Well, West Sumatra is beautiful without any doubt. Some people say that the green sawahs and all beautiful scenery and simplicity of the people make it a peaceful place to live in. The problem is, I don’t hang out in sawahs. There’s no 21 Cineplex, this is the hardest thing to believe that it’s real, I was like “Are you kidding me?? How am I supposed to survive??” To be honest, for me, this peaceful area can be somewhat stressful.

To make more drama, even though Bandar Lampung and West Sumatra are located in the same island, the cultures I had to adjust with are really different. I didn’t understand their point of views and neither did they. About language, Minangnese don’t even speak Bahasa Indonesia, even in an English class, they will speak Minang language. BAMM..!!

However, no matter how much you complained about the area, you still have learned many things from it and been accustomed to some things, places, and people of the area. That when you eventually have to move again you’ll realize that you’ve been attached to them that much (at least, more that what you thought you knew).

It’s nice to come back to Lampung, I had my childhood and most of my teenage years there. But seven years surely have changed many things, and feelings. Things that I used to know will now feel so strange. People I used to spend time together when I was senior high, I don’t think I have some (or probably most) of them in my Facebook friend list. Even those I have, we don’t communicate that much anymore. Leaving/ moving shows us that sometimes a relationship is not like what we thought it was. That’s how to know which ones your true friends are.


Luckily, now I have job to keep myself busy and at certain age and situation, you’re no longer as friend-needy as you were in highshool. Besides, I already make plans of skills I have to master while in Lampung. By experience, I’ve learned how to adapt and make friends and most importantly how to not be overly attached to things, people or situation. I am excited about this Lampung thingy but I will surely miss how noisy my roommates are, my stubborn boss, my office mates, the kids I at the orphanage I used to teach and play with, and especially... Mr. Where-have-you-been-these-1,5-years, ‘coz I’m gonna miss him so. Hikz!

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Cara baru masuk surga: Men-TOLOL-kan hijab perempuan lain

Beberapa hari yang lalu, akun instagram gw dipenuhi dengan comment penuh kebencian yang dibungkus dengan embel-embel agama (klasik banget lah ya kasusnya). Entah niatnya beneran baik mau ngingetin cara berhijab yang baik atau enggak, yang pasti implikasinya tidak dilakukan dengan cara yang baik.

Dipenuhi dengan kata-kata kasar, penggunanaan capslock yang membabi-buta, si “Nyonya-Disayang-Allah” ini niat banget ngasih comment di foto-foto lama gw dimana saat itu gw akui adalah fase dimana gw masih menggunakan tights/ legging dengan hijab. Ini bukan kali pertama gw menerima perlakuan seperti ini dari orang yang ngakunya akhwat tapi kelakuannya bejat. Biasanya gw diemin aja, tinggal hapus komen dan block user, toh gw dan orang-orang terdekat gw yang lebih tau gw seperti apa dan gak ada gunanya juga nanggepin manusia tipe begini, udah ketebak lah kualitasnya sampe dimana. Who the hell she thinks she is? Sharia police? Even the concept of sharia police tickles me. --.--”

Tapi si Nyonya ini entah pekerja keras atau malah gak punya kerjaan, setelah gw block dia di Instagram, dia search and add akun Facebook gw. Gw emang punya kecenderungan mendiskriminasi gender dalam meng-approve friend requests; kalo dari cewek, walaupun mutual friends-nya sedikit, bakal gw approve, karena gw berbisnis online dengan perempuan sebagai target marketnya. Sedangkan friend request dari cowok cenderung gak ada gunanya bagi gw, beli juga kagak, dan cuma gangguin inbox aja. Namun, dalam kondisi tertentu, baru gw akan approve friend requests dari cowok, dan malah menyesali kok temen fb gw cewek semua (baca: jomblo). Kembali lagi ke masalah si Nyonya-Bidadari-Syurga ini, karena gak ngeh itu siapa, jadi gw approve aja, ya gak ada salahnya gitu nambah temen, siapa tau jadi customer khan... (Minang gitu lho, otaknya dagang aja --.--”)

Tidak belajar dari respon gw di Instagram, cara 'dakwah' yang dilakukan si Nyonya-Idaman-Pria-Muslim di facebook gw ini justru malah lebih frontal. Dia mengambil foto gw tanpa izin, dan menaburi page, album foto dan foto-foto gw dengan komen-komen yang tidak lebih berotak, bermutu, apalagi Islami. Yang akhirnya membuat gw membuat tulisan ini, karena bukan cuma gw orang yang pernah dibully oleh sesama muslimah, dan bukan cuma dia (ngakunya) akhwat yang bermental bully with no attitude, and no life, precisely.

Pertama-tama, gw akui penggunaan tights/ legging dengan hijab itu memang tidak sesuai, dan gw pernah dalam fase itu, karena apa?? karena gw manusia cuy! Waktu keluar dari perut nyokap gw, gw gak langsung pake hijab dan fasih baca Al-Qur'an, SAMA KAYAK ELO. Masalah agama itu perjalanan individu masing-masing, dan bukan hak individu lainnya untuk men-judge perjalanan religius orang lain. Yang boleh jadi Maha Menghakimi itu siapa sih? Please deh jangan ke-Tuhan-Tuhanan gayanya. Dalam Islam, menuhankan manusia itu gak boleh lho, apalagi menuhankan diri sendiri.

Itu perjalanan gw, akun gw, punya gw, tiba-tiba dateng alien satu ini out of nowhere, kenal juga kagak, nge-verbal abuse bawa-bawa masalah agama, I don't owe you and anyone any apology nor explanation. Coba mbok ya sampeyan sendiri yang bayangin kalo situ jadi saya, tiba-tiba rumahnya dikencingin orang lain, gimana toh rasanya?

Lagipula, menilai seseorang dari masa lalunya, bukan dari dia yang sekarang itu tidak membuat lw lebih baik dari orang tersebut. Kalo emang lo punya waktu buat menyampahi dan menyumpahi foto-foto lama gw yang mana adalah foto lamaaaa banget, kenapa sampeyan gak bisa menyempatkan waktu juga untuk mengobservasi lebih dalam orang yang lw kasarin itu dari dia yang sekarang?? Hal yang kayak gini nih yang akhirnya menjuruskan pemahaman orang lain atas sikap lw, kalo niat lw tuh gak sesuci itu, lebih ke sentimen pribadi. Is your life that boring so that you choose to interfere mine? (ngekomenin sebanyak itu di instagram, stalking sampe ke akun2 soc-med lain, apalagi coba namanya kalo bukan pathetic life? Get a life, Ukhti!)

Kalau emang ada yang gak setuju atau pun dimengerti, gak ada salahnya mengunakan pendekatan yang lebih baik, yang disebut dengan sopan santun. Dengan sopan santun, kemungkinan untuk memenangkan perhatian orang lain justru akan lebih besar.

Sikap yang memaksakan semua orang buat bertindak/ berfikir seperti lw itu yang menunjukkan kalo lw sendiri gagal paham mengapa Allah menciptakan kita semua berbeda-beda. Gak semua orang itu anak pesantren, ato terlahir di keluarga ustadz/ah, ato tumbuh besar di kota yang dominan Islam. Makanya hijrah, Buk! Biar lo lebih mengerti arti diversity. Kalo emang lw ngerasa lebih tau mana yang bener, coba tunjukin gw dengan cara yang bener. Banyak kok temen2 gw yang akhwat tempat gw sharing, yang ngebedainnya, mereka punya cara yang gak primitif, yang bisa bikin 'hijab-hijab biasa' seperti kami-kami ini lebih tertarik. Okay, menjadi bodoh dan primitif emang privilege setiap individu, but don't abuse that privilege, deh...

Jujur gw gagal paham dengan cara dakwah orang-orang seperti Nyonya-Suci-dari-Dosa satu ini. Apa dia fikir dengan mengkasari dan mempermalukan sesama muslimah seperti ini membuat doski a better muslimah than the rest gituh? Terus dengan begitu dia fikir dia masuk surga gituh? Eee... Lawak mah. Kecek urang Minang, don't judge others just because they sin differently than you do.

Islam juga bukan agama yang pertama masuk Indonesia kelessss, kenapa bisa diterima sebagian besar penduduk negara kita yang saat itu udah punya agama dan kepercayaan masing-masing? Ya lo balik lagi deh ke pelajaran SD, kalo emang sekolah.

Gue muslim, tapi bagi gue yang lebih penting dari entah lw Islam, Budha, Kristen, Hindu, ato atheist, adalah apa yang lw lakukan dan bagaimana cara lw melakukannya.

Kalo membawa yang sesama muslim aja lw gagal, nah apalagi di mata non-muslim. Apa gak makin begah mereka liat Islam? The religion of peace?


Wahai Nyonya-nyonya-yang-berasa-calon-penghuni-surga... Hhhhmmm.... duh, 'kepintaran' kalian membuat saya kehabisan kata-kata. *sigh!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Why it is important to laugh at yourself... and other people

Life is beautiful and full of beautiful things. If you believe the first sentence of this post, you’re probably mentally five. Because no grown-ups live that optimistically anymore. The truth is that life’s just layers of layers of layers of problems and flaws. Hence, having the ability to laugh at things (including yourself and—sometimes—other people) is important. It can at least make life a little easier.

Everyone and everyone’s life got difficulties and imperfections. But the thing that can separate you from your-old-grumpy-uncle-who-hates-life-other-human-beings and the- teen-who-thinks-he-has-the-most-difficult-life is the way you take a joke. Age counts, but maturity doesn’t always grow.

Born perfectionist, I have certain standards of my self and life that somehow can put pressures on me. I may be 24, but I have been both the-old-grumpy-uncle-who-hates-life-and-people and the-teen-who-thinks-he-has-the-most-difficult-life. I used to take trivial things too seriously, I couldn’t deal with flaws and I wished my life could be as perfect as my friends’ lives, at least from what I saw on the surface.

But now I realize that I was not born perfect, so were my friends, and the only one who was born almost perfect is Beyonce. But even later, the-almost-perfect Queen Bey is married to Jay-Z. See? Even someone almost perfect may live an imperfect life. Now I think my life is okay, and saved. Since Jay-Z is taken, what else could be worse? (**Please don’t take this too seriously, nor report me to Beyonce, I don’t expect my self and blog to be famous at such young age. Besides, I like my quiet, peaceful and commentless blog the way it is now)

Rather than complaining and being a sensitive cry-baby-ass, it’s easier to accept and laugh at the imperfections we were born with, the blunder and mistakes we’ve made and the difficult times life gives us. It’s easier (and more cost-effective) to be honest and laugh than to phony perfection.

I like a wisdom from Eleanor Roosevelt, “You don’t grow up until you have your first good laugh at yourself.” I totally agree with her even though I did not even know who she is ‘til I googled her. It’s better to honestly admit and make fun of my lack of ignorance of her since I am not Google and I am Indonesian, and her husband is surely not any of the former presidents of my country, I don’t even know exactly the name of our current first lady, is it “Mega” or “Wati” or “Megawati” or anything.

Another advantage, laughing at yourself not only can change your view of your own self but also others’ of you. Some people are destined with ‘unprofitable’ appearance, it doesn’t mean deficiencies but also an aura that keeps people off, these unlucky people—like me—easily got labelled ‘cocky’ or ‘high-maintenance’. People love making fun and judgment of others. Therefore, when you laugh with them, at yourself, you'll come across a line that once bordering you from them. Not that easy and instant of course, but at least you’ve tried.

Then, to make life more fun, I simply and personally believe it’s also healthy to laugh at other people, not (always) in jerky way (but do it when you have to). Some people like to try to give you pressures and intimidation, it’s better to not take these people too seriously. To think about them in sarcastic, funny, and witty thoughts is more refreshing than to take them as what they project their selves to be.

What I mean by “other people” also includes the people close to you; your friends or the people you can’t choose to be born around them, like your family. For example, God gifts me with parents who are not only creative to embarass their selves but also their daughter. Instead of teaching my old guys how to use gadgets, I make fun of them that how successful they are as conservative technology non-users to have children like me and my brother (especially my brother, as he works in IT field and he’s more brilliant than I am in everything). I sometimes tell jokes about them to my friends or even strangers, not only because I like it, but also to break the ice or to make people laugh. JSYK, beneath this fierce, sarcastic and cynical surface, there’s a side of me who likes to make people laugh. **krikkrikkriiiik...