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Thursday, December 4, 2014

Tiga Puluh Dua

Tiga puluh dua tahun pastinya bukan angka yang kecil bagi couple to keep together within ups and downs. Apalagi di jaman menuju-jahiliyah-versi-modern ( Jahiliyah 2.0 ) kayak sekarang ini dimana tingkat divorce and affair itu tinggi banget. Bahkan sekarang yang susah dipercaya bukan Cuma pria, tapi juga wanita.

Tapi orang tua gw have proven that the purest thing in this world does still exist. Today is my parents’ 32nd anniversary.

‘32’ merepresentasikan begitu banyak kejadian, moments, memories, semua yang pernah datang, semua yang akhirnya pergi, semua yang akhirnya bertahan, semua yang kita pernah punya, semua yang pernah susah, dan semua yang akhirnya bisa dilalui juga.

Gw dan abang gw lahir cukup lama setelah mereka menikah. Hence, gw Cuma bisa mengingat hal-hal setelah gw bisa mengingat, and it’s wonderful... the pain, efforts and laugh has created a rainbow in our little humble family.

Gw bukan lahir dan dibesarkan di keluarga yang punya (hampir) semuanya, bukan di keluarga yang punya rumah segede stadion bola dengan jumlah pembantu yang udah bisa bikin kantor, bukan di keluarga yang mama-papanya gehol bingit dan rajin ke luar negeri, atau yang bokapnya jabatannya ‘basah’ melulu. Kami bener-bener biasa aja. Dan emang butuh waktu untuk akhirnya gw bisa melihat sesuatu yang paling mahal malah datangnya dari sesuatu yang biasa-biasa aja ini. Sometimes, we eventually find the most wonderful thing not in the luxurious things but in the simplest thing instead, because the most beautiful thing in this world is the thing money can’t buy.

Jujur, ada masa-masa dimana gw emang pernah sedikit durhaka, ya maklum lah namanya juga anak keluarga cemara yang disekolahin ke sekolah-sekolah tempatnya orang-orang elit. Jadi secara gak langsung gw terpengaruh dengan apa yang gw liat dari luar.

Ada masanya dimana gw iri liat temen gw diantar sekolah dengan mobil yang ganti-ganti, atau iri liat mama-mama nya temen-temen gw yang dandanannya gaul dan mewah abis, yang mereka tiap lunch makannya McDonald’s (ya namanya juga anak kecil, mana gw tau apa itu junk food!).

Beda bener dengan bokap gw yang saat itu baru bisa beli mobil dan itu pun bentuknya kotak-kotak, sama mainan mobilan abang gw aja masih kerenan maenan abang. Apa lagi nyokap gw... aduuhh... terlalu konservatif... mau fashion udah millenium atau apa kek, gaya nyokap gw gitu2 aja terus, dari ladang gandum sampe berubah jadi Koko Crunch. --.—“

Mama-papa nya temen gw setidaknya pada bisa komunikasi basic English, nah nyokap gw pre-basic aja gak khatam-khatam. Boro-boro mau pake gadget ini-itu, nyokap gw udah bisa ngetik “Assalamualaikum” dengan kecepatan 5 menit aja gw udah sujud syukur.

Kalo pergi makan ke resto2 modern yang menyediakan makanan sampah, Cuma gw dan abang gw aja yang makan. Sehabis dari McDonald’s, orang tua gw ke rumah makan Padang, karena perut mereka begitu tradisional. Ampun deh.

Tapi setelah gw berteman lebih jauh dengan mereka, ternyata hidup temen-temen gw itu gak semewah itu. Emang papanya kaya, tapi mamanya makan hati diselingkuhin. Atau yang orang tuanya gak pernah ada untuk mereka karena sibuk dengan pekerjaan masing-masing, yang akhirnya mereka Cuma digedein sama pembantu or nannies. Dan masih banyak contoh lainnya yang akhirnya bikin gw sadar kalo gw punya apa yang mereka gak punya.

Someday, tiap anak wanita tentu akan jadi seorang istri. Nyokap gw udah ngasih gw contoh terbaik yang bener-bener nyata untuk gw nanti. Dan bokap gw udah ngasih contoh/ standard setidaknya seperti apa lelaki yang gw butuhkan nanti. Gw udah liat gimana dedikasi nyokap gw sebagai seorang istri dan ibu, mau susah ato senang. Dan gw udah liat gimana loyalitas bokap gw sebagai seorang suami dan ayah. Hari gini gituh cuy, di jamannya laki-laki banyak disamain sama GukGuk, kalo gak GukGuk, ya palingan homo.

Bokap-nyokap gw bukan tipe romantis yang ngerayain ato kasih2 kado tiap anniversary, tapi sebenernya mereka saling tau, ingat dan merasakan. Masih inget gw Desember tahun 2012 lalu waktu bokap gw di ruang operasi selama belasan jam, dan waktu baru keluar dari ruang operasi, yang buat nafas aja bokap gw masih susah, tapi kata-kata pertama yang beliau berusaha keras ngomong ke nyokap gw adalah, “Selamat ulang tahun pernikahan, mau kado apa?”.

Sering banget gw liat gambar meme para couple lanjut usia dan menua bersama, itu indah banget. Dan ternyata apa yang ada di meme itu bisa gw lihat langsung di hidup gw, walopun orang tua gak setua yang di meme juga lah ya..

Gw emang gak/ belum punya harta segambreng, kaya enggak, miskin juga enggak, middle class yang sesungguhnya lah. Pinter juga gitu2 aja. Fisik juga biasa aja, yang bilang gw cantik katarak, yang bilang gw jelek juga pasti matanya rabun. Dari segala aspek, gw emang biasa-biasa aja dan gw gak punya apa-apa selain didikan orang tua gw. Dan itu hal termahal yang akan jadi paling useful that any parents can give to their children. I really thank Allah for giving me such a family.

Selamat ulang tahun pernikahan, Papa dan Mama. Semoga kita sekeluarga selalu dalam lindungan Allah, and always be with each other’s company ‘till only death could do us apart.

I love you to the moon and back, and to the moon again, and back again!
XOXO

Monday, August 11, 2014

Wake-up Call

"Knew the signs , Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
meant to be"

A piece of the lyrics from Gabrielle’s ‘Out of Reach’, a song that I used to play which describes my feeling for you, when I was stupid and blinded by love.

I admit that I was too careless. Unconsciously, I’ve drawn my self from a failed relationship to a relationSHIT.

I shoud have not ignored the signs that you were just playing from the start. You perpetually came and go, with so many excuses that I kept telling myself that you’re not lying. Unfortunately, I was just fooling myself. And you made a fool out of me.

For almost a year, my pillows were wet every night, eyes were drained. But you’ve never ever asked me, “How are you?”. Not even once. 

Then I realized maybe I’ve forced my prayer too hard on you. If it’s not meant to be, the it’s not meant to be, no matter how many times I kept mentioning your name in my prayer everyday. Mungkin Allah pun sudah bosan denger nama lw di doa gw.

Tapi Allah itu Maha Memberi Petunjuk (Al- Haadii) dan maha membolak-balikkan perasaan. He’s showing me the real you months after I’d let things go. And you are not THE MAN.

Allah knows best and has the best plan to prepare me before I finally meet the right one, and you are part of His plan. I regret nothing, nor blame nothing/one.


I used to think that you’re my Out-of-reach, but now I realized that I am your Out-of-reach. Because good women are for good men, good men are for good women (Q.S An Nur : 26).

Thursday, July 10, 2014

A journey to 25 has started

Today, I am 24 years and a month old. I turned 24 on June 11. So it’s a belated writing on my new age.
I always make a writing on my birthdays, it’s the present that I give to myself. So, today is a nice day to simply contemplate and reflect on how far I have come and how much I have learned over the years.

I was not really excited about my birthday this year, maybe because there’s one of my targets that I havent achieved yet and probably it’s been too obvious what it is. But then with all the wishes, surprises, some of them even came from unexpected people,  the day turned bright again, no use of being such a cry-baby ass.

My 23 was so great. There’s actually only one thing that puts a little disappoinment to it but then succesfully affects almost 50% of my feeling during the year and that is STUPID to let heart control my decisions. And now I promise the new-age me, that it is not going to happen no more. Two broken hearts in a row during a year is enough a lesson for me to stop being so naive. Keep being a good person, but not a naive one.

But hey, rather than focusing on things I’ve lost, now I just wanna focus on the things I’ve achieved. I’ve done many things in my 23. I’ve got my dream job, run my online craft shop very well, make good money, bought things that I always wanted, visited some new places, new friends, new knowledge, new experiences, successfully gained weight to an ideal shape as I targetted,  I’ve got almost everything I wished when I was 22. Looking at them, God would be very angry if I act ungratefully.

One of the presents that I got for my birthday is given by a kid that I often meet at the mosque near my office every Ashr prayer. She gave me some felt brooches that she made by her self and the cutest thing is her letter that says:

“ Kak (older sister) Cihud,  sorry that the belated birthday gift, because it’s hard for me to decide what to give you. I pray that Allah will always give you a good health so that you can come more often to the mosque. By Fathimah Azzahra.”

That is just too cute and makes me speechless!

I can scrapbook my entire life in photos. But the best memories I have cannot be described in pixels or words. They are made up of ideas, laughter, and warm fuzzy feelings that are permanently etched into who I am - events and people who added so much more to me than I could ever give in return. Even memories of mistakes, sadness, and hurt cannot overshadow the good and eventually fade into oblivion as I age and my brain makes room for more good to come.

Now, let’s continue the journey of 24 :)